bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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