dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
