I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
