shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
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