So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
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Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
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