that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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