i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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