I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
My Sexting was not on an AP level
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Randomize
