maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
This toilet bowl is my home.
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