Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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