ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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