i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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