I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
