You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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