Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
