Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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