why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
