i don't like sucking hair
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
