Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
