i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
