I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
