he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
