You're so nebulous sometimes
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
