Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
