I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
You're breaking my sexual little heart
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
