My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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