...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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