I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
