I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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