Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
