sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
