Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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