Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
