so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
So much Jack, so little girl.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
