he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
