Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
My ATM looks so different sober.
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He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
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I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies