my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND