some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.