Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
