I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
This toilet bowl is my home.
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