I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
