I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
