I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
