How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
