Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
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Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
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I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
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