you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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