Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
you mean i was at the winter classic?
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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