I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
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