yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Who wears a wallet chain?!
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I want to fling myself into the sun
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
