YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Let's paint friendship bongs
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
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