this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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