Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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