Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
