I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
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I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
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I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Randomize