it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
