NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Randomize
