Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
