True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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