Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
