Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
