so explain again why im purple
no
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
