they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Fuck appropriateness.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
i wish my penis had a tongue
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Randomize
