with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
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