And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Randomize
