i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Randomize
