Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
