when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
