Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
This is my life. Enjoy the view
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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