I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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