she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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