I didn't shave. On purpose
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
