I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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