know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
