I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Randomize
