Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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