I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
