I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
