i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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