i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
