So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
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