i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
